what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
