I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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