yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Randomize
