This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
