Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
