you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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