we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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