You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
