Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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