Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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