Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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