I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize