An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
