he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
