i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
