I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
