Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
