Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
