apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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