and you said cock pushups were impossible
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
