Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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