Someone shit on the floor
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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