Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
