great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
