Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
