I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
