the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize