my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
