Can i not drive my cunt home
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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