Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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