tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
