Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
