Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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