smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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