My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
