Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
