You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize