So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
