I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
