I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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