Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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