he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
