Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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