Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
did i just pee glitter
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize