I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He did a backflip because drugs
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