I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
