Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
