[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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