I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize