Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
