Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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