i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I had to cum in my sink.
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