There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
