Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
