Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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