xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
