Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
BRING THE BAGELS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
