yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
