the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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