He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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