i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
