Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
