Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
