I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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