I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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