So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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