But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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