She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
