im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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