How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
