Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
