There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
