i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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