I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
