I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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