ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
