if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
