you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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