Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
