they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
