Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
