In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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