3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
