i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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