if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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