He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
