There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
