yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize