I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize