the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
