Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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