K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
