party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Everything about him screamed your future.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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