I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
