Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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