tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
