i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
