A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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