Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
