He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
