it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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