Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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