billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
