Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
