Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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