i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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