All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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