My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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