ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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